I’ve been mulling over everything I know about the LGBT “community,” and I don’t feel as though I belong, even though I am bisexual.
It’s like this: I have no desire and no need to find a group of people who have a shared sexual orientation. I do not feel especially drawn to the idea of hanging out with other gay and bi people my age. I don’t feel repulsed by the idea, either, but I simply have no desire to go to the local LGBT community center and be a part of the organization.
I have only a few openly gay and lesbian friends, but all of them are passionately involved in the community. I’m all for equal rights, especially since my supposedly progressive state will not allow me to marry anyone of my own gender, but I cannot see myself standing up and becoming a champion for the cause, as all of my LGBT friends seem determined to do. They seem to identify completely with each other, which is great, but I cannot force myself to focus all my energy and attention on what is really just one part of the composite that is who I am.
So I guess the real question I’m asking is this: why are so many of us so determined to not only be open about their sexuality but to place it before all other causes? Why do we pick one facet of our personalities and support it at the cost of all others?
Sorry. This is a rather long, rambling question, and if you made it to the end I salute you. I just can’t seem to get my head around this idea, and this inability to understand is really bothering me.
Pete: you managed to say exactly what I felt like saying but was too cautious to put in words. I try to be a reserved and composed individual, and the celebrations of “gay pride” that my city holds are repellent to me. I do want to be able to marry a man I fall in love with, but what good will it do to dress in something that breaks all rules of common decency and parade in the streets? Such excess will only make people hate us more.
Cachette, Rabbit, and Dave: I understand where you’re coming from, and I agree, but the fact remains that I can’t make myself feel this way. I certainly do not want to be considered a second-class citizen because of my sexuality, but neither do I want to be ostracized for my religion or any other part of me. I just can’t justify elevating sexual orientation to the top of the pedastal when there are so many other valid and vital causes that I am also a part of in some way.
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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Your feelings are shared by more people than you realize.
I completely agree with you. I am proud that I am a survivor of my teen years and was able to love and accept myself for whom I am – however, many other people from different walks of life can have the same sense of pride as I do.
i completely, 100% agree with u. there are far more important things than my sexuality.
Some people just make it a big deal, its not necesary to go out and just show off. Some people just really dont care because they really dont think its worth the effort because there really is no big deal about it. But although some may feel left out they join and make new friends. But these groups do help out people who are in need of help or want to help out and stand up for each other and stop discrimination and let others understand that its ok to be gay
Well said. So many try to focus on the group as a whole without the thought that some could care less (or not as openly) Being “proud” doesn’t have to come with a parade and fanfare behind it. Pride is just being true to oneself and not allowing anyone to take that from you. Yes, there are the parades, but on one hand it is letting others know they are not alone and some day we will all be equal, on the other, until then being here we can take pride within our own selves with out the spectacle.
I can truthfully answer your question because I can easily relate.
When I first ‘came out’ to myself as being gay, i became OBSESSED over it. I wante dto know everything about everythigng, i wrote a ten page essay for school about gays int he military, became a giant fan of tatu (i knwo they arent really gay) and stuff like that.
when you first come out, its often very exciting and you want to find other people who can relate to you.
when you underestand that there are so many people who share your feelings, then you calm odwn and leasdd your own life.
but for now, i wake up with a smile on my face and say “IM GAYY!!”
haha i know it sounds lame ;3
EDIT!
Also, you may be surrounded by other gays and lesbians around you, and feel confort aroudn them, and therefore in your society, in my world, i only know of two gays. and i don’t even knwo them that well. my town is very clos-minded and i feel the need to reach out
I entirely agree with you. “Pride” is, after all, not something that it behooves any mortal to give himself over to unconditionally. And if I were to find pride in the accident of my sexual orientation, it would be for having this one characteristic in common with more than a few of the greatest and wisest of mankind–Plato/Socrates, Leonardo, Michelangelo, Newton, Santayana–and not with the very little that I have in common with the effeminate, sadomasochistic fruitcakes who are prancing in the streets celebrating “gay pride.”
Because this is the facet of your personality that can get you ostracized, seriously injured, even killed by bigots.
That’s a pretty important cause.
I do understand the the sentiment of some of the answers, but I feel the need to defend the people who demonstrate, protest and fight for rights.
Depends on your person I guess. If you rescued a young pit bull from becoming another victim of pit bull fights, then you would probably passionate about banning all pit bull fights in all states, and being an activist in getting people to understand the sweet nature of the breed
And if you adopted a child from a foster home who was abused and neglected, you would probably be shoveling all your money to charities that protect and rescue children from abuse.
And if you go fishing and all you catch are tires, shoes, cans, and some beer bottles, you might develop a liking to passing a no dumping in the lake law, or even go so far as to require the state to put out trash and recycling cans in city parks. Maybe seeing this pollution will get you more active in environmental causes and/or changing your daily habits to use less water and electricity.
And if you find out your gay in a city of homophobes, hear of stories of people being beaten to death because they were gay, and feel peoples disapproving eyes as you walk in the supermarket with your lover, you build a passion for getting laws protecting gays passed and getting people to see your no different from anybody. What you care about is all about your life experiences.
I think you’re looking at it wrong. If we don’t ban together and stand together, well never get anything done and we’ll always be treated like second class citizens. Is that what you want?
How can you say these things when LGBT pride got people to notice all the horrible hate crimes that where being done against our people? If you would like to be one of the people who reap the benefits of peoples really hard work, dedication, and passion while doing nothing to help. So be it.
Remember the story “The Little Red Hen”
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